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One More Song for Another Lost Love
I know your clouded heart, love, and the weight you can't shake off. I know, even if you don't. So give me my keys and take back your ring-- I don't want the trappings of love if I can't have the real thing.
And no, I don't want to be friends with a man who can lie to me and still think he respects me. And no, I don't want to play nice. But if you'll listen to me, I'll give you some advice:
You let me feel foolish for trusting you. You ignored all of the damage there was to undo. You kept drawing me in, and then driving me away. You don't get to act hurt now that I don't want to stay.
You're one more on a long list of old loves whose only memorial is one sad song. Isn't it tragic that this is the moment that lives on?
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Love is the Plan, the Plan is Death*
I look in your face and my heart is swells up
it’s fit to burst with love and one terrible thought
If there’s no other, no other lover, just us down the line
When I realized, it hit me with the weight of my life.
There’s fear in the joy, love, and it’s a fear that borders on terror.
When I tell you I love you, I can see the full span of forever
and it’s not long. No, it’s not very long.
Oh, and I catch my breath. The plan is Love,
but the plan is also Death.
We must all look like dominoes from far away
Dumb look of surprise on each falling face
We all know it’s coming but oh, the revelation
The comprehension comes so late.
Down here on Earth, stopped dead in the relentless march of time
May feel like slow motion, but It’s really just the blink of an eye
I want us to look back and feel good at the end of our lives
I will always love you,
for whatever length of time “always” represents
And until that very last breath,
the plan is love,
and the plan is also death.
I grieve, for us and for him and for me.
I cling to his steady beating heart
Oh anchor heart, bind me to you, and to these terrifying ideas
But be the calm in the waves
Hold me steady until forever comes
I want to hold his hand as he’s dying,
And I’m scared to let it go.
Oh, because I don’t know what comes next,
when the plan is love and the plan is death.
* "Love is the Plan, the Plan is Death" is also the title of a short story by Alice Bradley Sheldon.
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